06.25.08
Coping With Change
Life changing events can send a jolt through your well-being creating a state of unbalance and stress. A major change in your life, the death of a loved one, divorce, or major illness can pull the rug right out from under you, leaving you to face life in a completely new direction. Even positive change, such as getting married, loosing weight, a promotion, or buying your first house, all elicit a significant level of stress.
Day to day changes can also throw you off balance and lower your tolerance. An abrupt change in your schedule, a change in eating habits, or a change in work conditions, all accumulatively add up to your personal level of readjustment. When the consequence of any change questions your abilities or resources to succeed, or deal with the circumstances, coping strategies are used to mediate the stressful effects of the event. Effective coping strategies will reduce distress. How well people cope has to do with the meaning they place upon the event, their self-confidence, and the anticipated outcome.
Coping strategies will enable you to keep your cool, stay composed, and efficiently deal with the task at hand. Long term, learning to cope will keep you buffered against disease, and enhance your heath emotionally and physically. The ultimate goal of effective coping is to return to a state of balance, comfort, and productivity.
There are three main coping styles. Problem-focused coping creates a plan of action by gathering information, support, and personal resources to find solutions. Problem-focused coping works well for situations you have some control over. Emotion-focused coping, such as acceptance, healthy expression of feelings, and positive self-talk, manages your distress by changing the attention or meaning placed on the event. When the situation seems too much handle or frightening, escape-avoidance coping creates distance. Escape-avoidance coping can be helpful when used to gather your strength and return calmly to create a plan of action, like taking a break, listening to music, or going on vacation. However, when fear is present along with a lack of confidence, escape-avoidance can take a self-destructive turn to excessive behaviors such as drinking in excess, using drugs, or binge eating. Maintaining a confident, positive outlook toward yourself and the world will enable you to cope effectively and reduce anxiety and fear.
Maintain a Positive Perspective
Change can be seen from two perspectives, as a threat or challenge. If change is viewed as a threat, then feelings of fear, uneasiness, and loss of control are likely to follow. If change is viewed as a challenge and an opportunity for growth, then feelings of self-efficacy and motivation follow. How you view change and assess your own personal resources will determine your emotional reaction and coping strategy. Pay attention to your self-talk:
“Oh no, I can’t handle this! I’m doomed. I’m going to fail.”
Perception of Change: Threat = Fear, Anxiety, Loss of Control
“I can handle this. I have faith things will work out. I will succeed.”
Perception of Change: Challenge = Self-Confidence, Competency, Control
Assess the Change Realistically
Ask yourself, “Is this something I can control or not?” Let go of what you cannot control and focus on what you can. When change is unexpected, the stressful impact is greater. Maintaining a flexible outlook on life will enable you to focus on what you can control.
Accepting there will be bumps in the road will give you a realistic perception of change.
Keep your shock absorbers bouncy! When you encounter a bump in the road, having a rigid approach will give you a jolt when you attempt to drive over it. Maintaining flexibility and understanding life is full of twists and turns will give you enough cushion to readjust more comfortably.
Release and Rebalance
When life throws you an unexpected curve, identify your emotional reaction and take steps to release any tension. Even minor changes can quickly add up to feelings of being overwhelmed. Take action to release your emotions in the moment in a safe way. Rather than spelling out the details of why you are feeling how you are, know you are entitled to your feelings, take responsibility and express them. Using “I statements” keeps you accountable for your emotions, increases feelings of control, and reduces blame or avoidance. Rather than yelling at a co-worker or spouse, write down your feelings, and then summarize how you feel, such as “I feel angry!” Close your eyes and imagine a red ball of anger. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, imagine blowing the red ball far away until it disappears. While we cannot control other people’s actions, or some situations, we can control how we release emotions.
Using soothing self-talk brings about feelings of control, reduces physical stress, and helps you return to a state of balance and peace. Relax, breathe slowly, and center your thoughts. Have a saying you repeat that has a calming effect for you. Like, “Let it go.” “I will get through this.” Stay positive with yourself! Believe in your abilities to cope and make it through. Your own words are very powerful. Repeat self-affirming statements until you feel confident:
“I can do this. I can handle anything. When I get through this, I’m going to celebrate.”
See the Bigger Picture
In moments of change, keep the bigger picture present. A person’s values, commitments, and goals influence how change is perceived. Paint a picture of your life’s plan and acknowledge this one experience, while taxing, will not impede your ability to live, love and succeed. Retaining a sense of competence will glide you through a difficult change.
Build Resiliency
Maintaining your health is an important tool to combat stress and improve your stamina for changes in life. Take good care of yourself and ask for help when needed. Reach out for support. Isolation can make stressful situations worse. Take time in your life to build your boat of support. Surround yourself with positive people, utilize your healthcare professionals, counselors, and join supportive groups. Maintaining nurturing relationships will keep your boat strong and provide additional resources, strengthening your belief in your ability to cope.
Stay Hopeful
Move forward with life. The simple act of taking the first step is often the biggest. Believe in yourself, surround yourself with support, have a plan of action, and follow through. Focus on your strengths, what you do well, and the simple joys all around you. Maintaining hope and faith will give you endurance to persevere through life’s changes. The greatest challenges in life are met with the greatest strengths within you.
I believe in you.
Life Coach Nova
Nova@StepStonesForLife.com
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